At work today, I stood in line waiting to punch my timecard. Naturally, Bernie got confused again and put his timecard in upside down. It would be an understandable mistake. Except this is the seventh time it's happened this month. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my mom applied for a job at our big box store. The recession has gotten that bad. The only thing that worries me is that she'll be overqualified to push carts. She has a PhD. Of course, I have my Masters. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I practiced giving a Powerpoint presentation. I might have a lot more work to do. My presentation is supposed to last half an hour. My practice run took me about two and a half minutes. The presentation is later this afternoon. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, the birds outside wouldn't shut up. I'm all for a little chirping cheer. But these birds seemed like they were auditioning for a Disney movie. Does anyone have a slingshot? I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was sorting catalogs sent to our fast food restaurant. Restaurant supplies, food supplies, chain management letters- and adult film catalogs? I guess I really don't know what it takes to run an Arbys. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was asked to pick out a wine for our annual banquet. Except the recession has made my choices a little more limited. Somehow, a banquet bar with Franzia isn't very impressive. So I'm going with Carlo Rossi. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was chatting up a little hottie who came in the drug store. I asked her where she went to college. "I'm going to University of Iowa," she said. "Once I graduate high school, at least. In two years." I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I canceled all of the appointments for the dentist I work for. He's very very busy. See, his golf game needs a lot of work. And summer's almost over. So much for your root canals. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, the roads were clogged with ugly traffic. Cars spewing gas. I was with my boss going to a job site. His observation? "Just imagine how many Milfs are on this road right now." I'm a single mom. I was frightened. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my boss was going on and on about playing "Rock Band" and how fun it was. I asked him his high score. He shook his head gently. "Jake, I do it for the music." I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I bought a few new stamps for office mail consumption. Lickless of course. After buying them, I realized I may not have made the most professional choice. Who knew they made "KISS" Stamps? So much for no tongue. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, the stars were twinkling during the last night at the drive in. And I am working the snack area. My hands are permanently coated with canola oil. I look forward to seeing the night air. I'm dumbemployed.