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Weird Shift

At work today, we discovered that our company is actually incorporated in the Bahamas. Apparently, that's the real reason my boss goes there once a year to "check out the waves." I used to be a semi-pro surfer, but I'm guessing I won't be making any company trips. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 02/07/19 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (4) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( bahamas taxes law )

At work today, this really hot guy showed up at my register. I was so stunned that I looked at him for the first five minutes. Then I looked at what he was getting: bullets, condoms, and yogurt. I didn't look at him anymore. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 02/07/19 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (6) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( flirting condoms yogurt )

At work today, I was told that we were going to have catered hors d'oeuvres to celebrate our company's third anniversary. The spread? Three twinkies, two cans of Diet Sierra Mist, and an uncut pepperoni roll. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 02/04/19 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (9) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( food twinkies pepperoni )

At work today, I was stuck on the night shift. Normally I get jacked on Mountain Dew, but at 1AM, a seventy year old guy with a goatee came in and bought the last four bottles. Then he asked me if we had any Red Bull. He took three cans. I never found out what he needed it for. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 02/03/19 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (4) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( night shift red bull old people )

At work today, I walked to work. On the way, I saw two dead cats in a gutter, a limping dog, and a squirrel lying totally still on a trash can. I work for a veterinarian. We didn't have a single patient all day. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 02/01/19 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (7) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( veterinarian walk dead squirrels )

At work today, I received three calls from people who were really mad about my company's phone service. Two of them spent half the call asking if I was outsourced (I work in the US). The weird part? They both had Indian last names. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 01/30/19 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (9) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( telemarketers outsourcing india )

At work today, I noticed that the store was really empty. I was zoning all the candy bars when my coworker finally showed up. "Why is it so quiet today?" I asked her. She frowned. "Somebody got murdered outside last night." I thought the chalk drawing was a practical joke. I'm dumbemployed.

by gemini_l on 01/30/19 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (7) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( candy grocery murder )

At work today, I fell asleep at my desk (I work at a hotel). I felt something at my ear, but I thought it was just a breeze. Then I looked up. The doorman, Jeffrey, was holding an umbrella tip against my ear and grinning. He's 67. I'm dumbemployed.

by jml_fan on 01/28/19 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (5) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( hotel clerk umbrella )

At work today, I dropped off the following letters at a single apartment: A notice from AARP, a professional magazine for Dentists, and a copy of Hustler. The resident is a woman named Delores. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 01/28/19 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (9) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( mailman postal aarp )

At work today, I decided to go in the basement for the first time. I'd never been in there before. When I was inside, I found a giant cardboard cutout of my boss holding a basketball and gritting his teeth. He's an accountant. I ran back upstairs. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 01/28/19 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (6) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( inventory basketball accountants )

At work today, I served bad food. There wasn't a hair in it- there was a piece of gum still in the wrapper. Yum. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 01/25/19 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (5) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( food gum waitress )

At work today, I got a special project- Photoshop my boss so he looks like an "Avatar." I'm dumbemployed.

by quistwe on 01/24/19 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (3) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( photoshop avatar project )
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