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Weird Shift

At work today, I was stocking my station for lunch. I go to check if I need bacon. I find the pan on the shelf wrapped in plastic wrap. It was completely empty except for the greasy paper towels. Who wraps a pan of greasy paper towels? I'm dumbemployed.

by hbk134 on 10/01/18 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (8) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( bacon towels grease )

At work today, I counted the number of minutes I've spent in the elevator. 2 a day. 4 years. 300 days a year. I've spent 2400 minutes in the elevator. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 10/01/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (4) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( sad elevator minutes )

At work today, my coworker and I made sales calls together. On the phone, we are a good team. In person, not so much. He's 6'5. I'm 5'2. I look like his daughter. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 09/29/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (6) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( daughter tall short )

At work today, my coworker was yelling at someone as if they were deaf. They weren't- they just didn't know English. I guess he thought yelling would translate it. It doesn't. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 09/28/18 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (14) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( deaf yelling english )

At work today, the neighborhood association came by to ask for a donation. They're like the mob- the only difference is that the enforcer is a 68 year old woman named Estelle. She made an offer I couldn't refuse. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 09/26/18 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (6) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( neighborhood association mafia offer )

At work today, a strange whistling sound emanated from the desk next to me. The origin? Emmanuel's teeth. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 09/25/18 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (5) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( teeth whistling emmanuel )

At work today, we sent jam out to favorite customers for Thanksgiving. We got one back in the mail today. "Thanks for the gift," the note said. "But give me blackberry." That's not how gifts work. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 09/24/18 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (6) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( thanksgiving jam blackberries )

At work today, I realized that it's my third anniversary working in this building. I also realized that none of the security guards know my name. Or my face. I'm dumbemployed.

by waltzingxdragon on 09/23/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (7) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( anniversary face security guard )

At work today, the final shoe dropped. We aren't supposed to talk to coworkers on the line. Now, we aren't even supposed to look at other humans. I am literally a robot now. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 09/21/18 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (10) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( final shoe looking talking )

At work today, I got my shoes shined before work by Ol' Pete. The only problem? Ol' Pete apparently uses spit instead of shoe polish. And he chews tobacoo. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 09/20/18 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (3) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( shoes shine chewing tobacco )

At work today, I received an email from a woman in our company. The previous email from her was "I'll get back to you in a sec." That was a month ago. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 09/19/18 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (5) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( woman email sec )

At work today, half the office came in wearing football jerseys. I'm not into football, so I didn't wear one. I was spurned the entire today. The scary thing is that I'm on the accounting floor- I can't imagine what it's like in sales. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 09/18/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (5) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( football jerseys accountants )
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